


Of Hiraeth and Inevitable Epoch

by pengdabi



Category: IZONE (Band), Produce 48 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Jinjoo, angst but idk if it's THAT heavy, black mirror vibes, it'll make you cry no doubt, jinjoo fiesta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24183319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pengdabi/pseuds/pengdabi
Summary: In which Minjoo relives the same day, over and over again, the same day where Yujin kept Minjoo close to her beating heart, until it wasn’t anymore.
Relationships: Ahn Yujin/Kim Minju
Kudos: 8





	Of Hiraeth and Inevitable Epoch

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This OS was my entry for #JinjooFiesta which won 7th place thanks to all of you who voted! Might as well share it to you. Happy reading :)

**April 29, 2031. 09:01am.**

Minjoo's eyes flutter open, the warm and pale sunlight seeping through the curtains to her cold skin as she groans at the morning alarm ringing ever so loudly through her ears. Minjoo stretches her arms as she feels an arm around the small of her waist and of course, how could she forget the most beautiful human being was with her right now?

This placed an immediate and radiant smile on Minjoo's face as she turned to the person who was cuddling her. Minjoo kissed her forehead fervently, then her nose gently, then she captured her lips, letting it linger for a while until the latter stirs awake, tightening her hug while smiling at the kiss.

"Good morning, Mrs. Ahn." 

"Good morning to you too, Ahn Yujin." Minjoo giggles gently as she lays herself on top of Yujin, just admiring her ethereal features like she's on cloud nine. 

If this was a movie, Minjoo would've just ran out on the streets, high-fiving each and every innocent pedestrian walking on the sidewalk but no, this wasn't any movie nor a dream. Much to their delight, it was all _real_ and very _surreal_.

"What?" Yujin finally breaks the silence when she notices Minjoo boring holes through her with her loving gaze.

"Nothing. I just can't believe I married an idiot like you." Minjoo chuckles breathily which earned a roll of eyes from her wife.

"We've been married for two years already, sweetheart. Why are you still thinking about it and why are you still calling me an idiot?" Yujin pinches Minjoo's cheek gently which leaves Minjoo blushing like they first met.

"Nothing... I-I.... I just really love you." Minjoo took this chance to kiss Yujin's cheek in a very lenient way, wanting Yujin to feel every inch of her love like it was the last. 

"I really love you too, Mrs. Ahn." Yujin grins, not even trying to hide the blush on her cheeks. Yujin finally lifts Minjoo up and hugs her ever so tightly.

This was one of the moments where the both of them just show how much they love each other. Words could never match their actions, so they display affection to make each other aware of their ineffable love. Minjoo is indeed very fond of it and she cherishes it every single day, _for the rest of her life_.

"Come on, let's get out of bed and fill that empty stomach of yours." Minjoo pulls Yujin out of the bed but she never lets go of her hand, feeling the spaces between their fingers fit each other like perfect puzzle pieces.

So Ahn Minjoo does cook breakfast for the both of them, enough to make them energized for this free day before Yujin leaves for Cheongju for a week to fix her papers that were left unaided since she left for Seoul, where she met Minjoo. 

"Do you really need to leave at night, Yujin?"

"Yes, mom expects me to be there for dinner. It's only an hour and a half drive from here." 

And all that Minjoo does is just nod.

They do spend the whole day with each other's company, playing in their house like they always do. 

_Yujin and Minjoo build a fort in their living room, all pillows from every room, not missing one, all piled up and stacked to their heart's content._

_"Yujin, you forgot the blankets!"_

_"Wait! I'll be right back!" Yujin runs like a wind to their room and Minjoo giggles._

And they kiss,

_Yujin shifts her weight against Minjoo's frame, as their kiss inside their mini fort gets a little bit heated. From just simple pecks to this, and Minjoo doesn't even complain._

_However, Yujin, who was fully immersed in their mini kissing session, accidentally pulls one of the blankets causing their fort to collapse against the both of them. Minjoo chuckles at Yujin's clumsiness._

_"I guess we have to rebuild it again."_

and they cuddle, not minding the entire world moving.

Yujin embraces Minjoo while they lay against their fort that was currently in ruins. They did think about organizing the pillows back in place, but for the both of them, time is too precious to be wasted on small things that can be done later, so they hold each other like they won't ever let go.

They lay silent, just their steady breaths filling the living room. As for Minjoo, she was admiring the beauty of the silence, a once-in-a-blue-moon chance for the whole world to stay silent and luckily, she was in the love of her life's arms.

"This is random but, do you ever think going back in time is possible?" Yujin was the one to break the silence, the question catching Minjoo off-guard. She hums in amusement before answering.

Minjoo suddenly fathoms about Yujin random question. Today was one of those days when Yujin just talks, her eyes full of seriousness while bringing up things that are interesting. Come to think of it, Yujin's mind is indeed full of wonderful thoughts, so much for being a wonderful woman she is.

"Is it too random, Minjoo-ah? I'm sorry." Yujin chuckles but Minjoo just dismisses it gently, her eyes catching Yujin's lovely ones.

"It may, it may not. We are not sure but everything that passes cannot be changed anymore."

They fall silent again but this time Minjoo nuzzles on Yujin's neck, finding a home-like solace on her wife's arms again.

"I wish time would stop, Minjoo. Moments like this are priceless." Yujin tightens her hold.

Minjoo hums, savoring the sweet scent of lemongrass and lavender Yujin possesses.

_I wish this moment never ends too._

Their sweet moments were cut-off by Yujin's phone, its loud ring piercing their ears off and making the sweet silence they are in vanish.

Yujin exhales deeply and gently nudged Minjoo to pick up her phone from the center table they set aside.

"Mom?"

"Yeah."

"I'm still at home. Minjoo's here." Yujin gestured to Minjoo to talk.

"Good evening, eomma!" Minjoo shouted, enough for Yujin's mother to hear from the other end.

Minjoo watches the scene unfold before her and she takes this opportunity to admire Yujin and how she was a family-oriented woman. Yujin puts her family first and Minjoo just can't help but be in love with her even more. 

"Yeah, I'll be there by then."

"Yeah? Sure, I'll be careful."

"I love you. I'm gonna hang-up now."

Yujin finally ended the call and hugged Minjoo ever so tightly.

"I guess I'm not gonna see you until a long week, Joo." Yujin frowns and hugs her even more. They've been married for two years yet they long for each other's presence just the same, like two strong magnets. But at the end of the day, they _always_ come back home to each other.

"It's okay, Yujin. You can always find your way home to me." Minjoo smiles and kisses her cheek gently.

Minjoo finally walks Yujin to the door, polishing Yujin's clothes and checking her for final checks to see if she missed something.

"You all good?" Minjoo asks while tip toeing and putting Yujin's favorite cap on her head.

"Wait, just one more." 

Yujin clashes their lips gently, but she lets it linger for quite a contenting time, until she breaks it off.

"I'll come home to you, soon. I love you, Minjoo." Yujin smiles and she waves, finally stepping out of the door, and Minjoo was now face to face with the door shut.

Minjoo sighs as she stared at the door even longer but she finally got a grip of herself.

Minjoo walks to their ruined fort, all blushing hard from remembering how it got destroyed. She touched her own lips, the feeling of Yujin's lips on hers and it finally hit her, how she misses _it_ already. 

But she was feeling that something was not right.

Minjoo does her nightly mantra before sleeping, then she stares at the empty space beside her, where Yujin sleeps. It was already late yet Yujin wasn’t still informing her if she did arrive safely, so Minjoo just sat down and waited, observing the silence around her, not really the silence she was favoring because she felt all alone until she dozed off.

Waking up from her deep slumber, Minjoo felt her phone vibrate continuously signaling a call arriving.

"Hello?"

And the world crumbles down.

\---------------

**April 29, 2031. 09:01am.**

Minjoo's eyes flutter open, the warm and pale sunlight seeping through the curtains to her cold skin as she groans at the morning alarm ringing ever so loudly through her ears. Minjoo stretches her arms as she feels an arm around the small of her waist and she wastes no time and hugs the woman beside her and her tears fall off her eyes.

Yujin stirs awake and she smiles, not aware of the tears being shed by her wife.

"Good morning to you too, Joo." Yujin hugged Minjoo back until she heard Minjoo sniffing. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" Yujin wipes Minjoo's tears away and kisses her eyelids, in an attempt to console Minjoo.

"N-Nothing. Just a bad dream." 

Minjoo lies.

She _had_ too.

It wasn't really because of Yujin possibly not believing her but every moment from now on, should not be wasted. Minjoo wishes time would stop here, time would freeze right at this moment then she could live the rest of her life here.

"Minjoo, baby, I'm here. Don't worry." Yujin kisses her cheek in an attempt to console her wife but to no avail. Minjoo flashes a faint smile then kisses Yujin briefly on her soft lips and gazes at her.

Minjoo took her time to trace Yujin's features with her eyes. From her chestnut brown hair, to her frail eyes, then on the two front teeth peeking out of her plump lips. 

"Yujin, I love you. So much. You do know that right?" Minjoo asks but Yujin just chuckles.

"What are you being greasy for at this hour? Of course, and I love you. I love you. And I'll love you for the rest of my life." Yujin whispers softly while Minjoo closes her eyes, not letting her tears fall from her eyes once more. Yujin embraces her tightly for the last time then pulls Minjoo erect.

"Come, cook for me, wifey." Yujin pulls Minjoo and intertwines her hand like she always does. 

Minjoo suddenly remembers the sweet memory of Yujin holding her hand for the first time. The electric feeling it sent through Minjoo's system sparked the fast beating of her heart during that day. It was the day when she grew fond of holding Yujin's big hand with her small one.

Minjoo bites her lip, thinking about excusing herself to go to the restroom and weep. But today, time is too precious to waste. Even for a minute.

So, like she did during this day, Ahn Minjoo does cook breakfast for the both of them, enough to make them energized for this free day before Yujin leaves for Cheongju for a week to fix her papers that was left unaided since she left for Seoul, where she met Minjoo. 

**_I should have made her stay._ **

Nostalgia suddenly hits Minjoo as she turns on the stove, something she doesn't do anymore,

Long after.

So she makes their breakfast more delicious than it was, she prepares the plate more prettily than it was, then she feeds Yujin with more heart than she did.

"Ah. I just remembered. Mom expects me to be there for dinner, so I'll leave at night." 

Minjoo exhales sharply because of the frustration. No matter how she avoided talking about Yujin's departure, time has its own tactic of bringing it to its own inevitable abyss. Minjoo could only nod and she paid no attention, for time is priceless.

They do spend the whole day with each other's company, but this time, Minjoo does not build a rickety pillow fort with Yujin. Instead, she plugs in sappy movies and watches it in the comfort of their living room, still, in each other's arms.

Minjoo tightens her hold against Yujin's pair of strong arms as she savors the hiraeth she has been suffering from, the strong arms she wouldn't though she get to be enveloped in again.

Minjoo listens intently to Yujin's steady breaths, her chest heaving up and down, being one and gentle with the beat of the movie dialogues and as Minjoo listens more intensely, she hears the calm beat of Yujin's heart, which shattered Minjoo's own.

Minjoo's breath became shorter when she suddenly saw Yujin snap her gaze towards her, and much to Minjoo's weakness, she smiled.

"Baby, stop staring and watch the movie."

Minjoo does not pay mind to it. Instead, she presses her lips against Yujin's own fervently, feeling the soft ones and relearning the feeling once again. She kisses her, and Yujin does not protest.

Minjoo's knees felt weak, she suddenly felt so vulnerable and just as she did, tears flowed freely from her eyes, the bitter taste of her tears suddenly in between their meshed lips and Yujin was the first one to pull away. 

Minjoo cries, weeps. She buries her face against the tall one's broad shoulder as Yujin listens to her in silence.

"I'm sorry, Yujin. I'm sorry."

"Ahn Minjoo, whatever it is, do not say sorry."

Yujin lifts her face to match it with the height of hers. She wipes Minjoo's sad tears away and smiles at her ever so warmly.

"Minjoo, I love you, and that is all that matters."

They stayed silent for the rest of the movie's duration. Minjoo takes her time to listen to Yujin's heart beat against her chest, a calm beat going against her ears. Minjoo feels Yujin's chest heave from breathing. She recognizes the pattern easily, she memorizes the beat and carves it to her memory.

"I wish time would stop, Minjoo. Moments like this are priceless." Yujin tightens her hold on Minjoo and it takes her aback. The same words said to her again, it was all too familiar.

Minjoo hums, savoring the sweet scent of lemongrass and lavender Yujin possesses, like she did.

And alas, Yujin's phone rings, much to Minjoo's horror. It was the ring that Minjoo hated to hear the most, the ring that sent chills down Minjoo's spine and it wasn't as pleasant as the chills she feels whenever she kisses Yujin.

Minjoo watches in horror as Yujin entertains the other person on the line.

"I'm still at home. Minjoo's here." Yujin gestured to Minjoo to talk.

"Good evening, eomma." Minjoo shouted, but this time, it was as faint as the cold breeze outside.

This time, Minjoo wishes the call never came, because it finally means the time is ticking near its end. It was the sign that Minjoo should finally brace herself. Now, Minjoo silently prays for the call not to end now if it means Yujin leaving.

But she simply cannot change what happened anymore.

"I guess I'm not gonna see you until a long week, Joo." Yujin frowns as she hugs Minjoo even tighter like she used to. Minjoo takes this opportunity to embrace her like and bury her face against Yujin's chest, something she should have done when she had the chance. When all of this still exists.

"It's okay, Yujin. You can always find your way home to me." Minjoo mutters with her aquiver lips. It was something Minjoo won't forget telling her beloved wife and it was something still buried somewhere deep in her mind.

Minjoo finally walks Yujin to the door, but now she doesn't want her to let go. Instead of doing so, she pulls Yujin closer to her and kisses her cheek ever so softly, letting her lips linger a little bit longer.

"I love you." She hears Yujin whisper to her ear. And Minjoo's tears suddenly twinkled on her eyes but she gathered every ounce of her strength to hold her tears.

"I'll come home to you, soon. I love you, Minjoo." Yujin smiles and she waves, finally stepping out of the door, and Minjoo, yet again, was now face to face with the door shut.

She kneels in front of the door and she wails, holding her heart that was currently shattering and regretting everything she didn't do during that fateful day.

But **_she cannot change the past anymore._ **

_Then everything goes black._

\---------------

**April 29, 2031. 09:01am.**

Minjoo's eyes flutter open once again, and like it did, the warm and pale sunlight seeping through the curtains to her cold skin as she groans at the morning alarm ringing ever so loudly through her ears. Minjoo immediately embraces the person beside her and this time,

Minjoo was _more_ composed. Minjoo was more ready to face this day, yet again. 

Yujin stirs awake as she grabs a hold of Minjoo's hand and holds it against her own. Minjoo felt her heart warm up at the sight of Yujin, savoring this moment again with her.

_If it means waking up again beside her, I'll do everything._

"Good morning, Minjoo." Yujin smiles as she sees her wife already doe-eyed awake unlike her, eyes still adjusting to the sunlight. 

Minjoo takes this time to adjust their position and she lies on Yujin's supine chest, the hiraeth she wants to keep on coming back to. 

"Good morning, Yujin-ah." Minjoo smiles warmly.

"Wow, we've been married for 2 years already and I'm still this crazy for you. Damn it." Yujin jokes then she closed the distance between them, capturing Minjoo's lips in a sweet but short time. 

Minjoo suddenly missed these kinds of jokes from the latter. Even though it wasn't even funny to begin with, Minjoo still laughs genuinely, like Yujin has a direct line to Minjoo's funny bone. Yujin knew Minjoo all too well, her humor matching Minjoo's, in an impeccable way.

"Did you have a good sleep?" Yujin asked and it was answered with a gentle nod.

"I dreamt of you." Minjoo answered quite simply.

For sure, Yujin takes this very lightly judging by the smile she was suddenly wearing but to Minjoo, this dream of hers means something more deeply. This dream of hers was so much more than a fantasy, a dream of an existing epoch she does not want to wake up from anymore. 

A dream of Yujin's heart beating like it _never_ stopped.

"For real? Do you always dream of me?" Yujin says with a low tone, the blush on her cheek more evident and radiant than before and Minjoo nodded then she leaned against Yujin's ear.

"I dream of you every now and then, Yujin-ah." Minjoo feels Yujin melt beneath her while she traces her collarbone, a view she would like to carve on her own heart. 

Minjoo just chuckles and this time, pulls Yujin to get up from bed and she pulls her along the corridor of their own home. Yujin just follows her, a light blush still not leaving her cheeks as they arrive at their kitchen but before Minjoo could reach for the pantry, Yujin raced her to it and smiled at Minjoo.

"Let me cook. Just sit, I'll do the rest." Yujin smiled and kissed her cheek once more before proceeding to get some eggs from the fridge.

Minjoo follows just as Yujin wishes, she knows that she should follow it. To be given a chance to relive this life is something she shouldn't wish so she follows everything, if that will make Yujin happy.

She watched Yujin move smoothly in the kitchen as she cooked a simple breakfast. Minjoo admits, Yujin was indeed the better cook between the two of them and they both know it and suddenly, it dawned on Minjoo.

It dawned on her that she always cooks for the both of them. Minjoo realizes that Yujin always asks her to do so when she's better than her. But why? how come? Minjoo could only fathom.

Yujin finishes cooking quickly, and to Minjoo's relief, it was another added time for her to savor this day. They both eat breakfast with Yujin teasing her from time to time, a habit that the latter can't get rid of and Minjoo misses it so she does everything she can to keep Yujin's heart happy.

"Minjoo, remember the thing we talked about yesterday? I just remembered, mom expects me to arrive there for dinner." Yujin brings-up after their laugh dies down for a moment and Minjoo's mood went from high as a mountain to down as the seafloor.

The curve of Minjoo's eyes slowly disappear as she nods faintly, little does Yujin notice. No matter how much Minjoo tries to enjoy reliving this very same day, she can't remove the fact that she cannot change what will happen anymore. She can't change anything, she could only _relive_ it. 

They do spend the whole day again, but this time Minjoo asks Yujin to join her for a bath. Of course, Yujin did not forget to tease her wife first before agreeing to such a suggestion. 

Minjoo ties Yujin's chestnut brown hair in a bun before she first dips on their bathtub. Yujin did suggest tying Minjoo's hair too but for the first time, she dismisses it, because she knows Yujin likes her hair down despite the latter’s suggestion.

Then finally, she settles in between Yujin's legs as she leans on her broad shoulders, playing with the tall one's long fingers.

"We should do this more often, Minjoo." Yujin chuckles as she plays with Minjoo's hand in the water, making small splashes against the tub's wall.

"Yeah, we... we should." Minjoo tries to shake off the sad feeling her chest was feeling again. 

They both fall silent, just the sound of their hands frolicking along the surface of the water, one of those moments where their actions suddenly spoke louder than their words and it was, in fact, 

_Beautiful_.

Minjoo cries again but she doesn't hide it to Yujin. She cries again, her heart being too vulnerable again with this peace with Yujin, the peaceful feeling she is experiencing again. She misses it so much, she misses Yujin so much.

"Minjoo, what's the matter?" Yujin tries hard on getting a glimpse on Minjoo's face but to no avail. Minjoo was hiding her frail eyes from Yujin because it's always the first one Yujin looks at for she sees right through her.

"I miss you, Yujin. I really miss you. I should've gone with you. I—"

"But, I didn't go anywhere. I'm always here with you, Minjoo-yah." Yujin tries to understand her wife as her eyebrows furrows, her hand emerging from the water to caress Minjoo's head.

"I'm always with you." Yujin mutters against her ear as she embraces Minjoo in the water while Minjoo weeps, her tears flowing non-stop from her eyes and she grips on Yujin's arms.

Minjoo loses it, she screams and her tears fall even harder from agony. Her fear and trauma was taking over her again as Yujin's arms felt tighter around her.

"Yujin, stop it! Stop making it hard for me! I can't change _this_ anymore."

"Minjoo-"

Minjoo places her hands on her ears, not wanting to hear Yujin call her by her name again, for it pierces her ear then her heart even more as she screams in _agony_ and _pain_. The water splashes all over the floor as she tries to breath for air.

"Stop it!"

**_"Stop it!"_ **

_Then everything goes black._

\---------------

Minjoo's eyes fluttered open as she caught her breath, she was in their room but instead of seeing the innocent sunlight seep through her curtains, it was a dim light that was currently lighting up the room. 

Then, she feels a pair of hands grip her arms as she is being pulled to the latter's chest. It was her sister, it was _Eunbi_. 

Her sister's face was in horror as she removed Yujin's watch on Minjoo's wrist and caressed Minjoo's petite frame while Minjoo wailed against her chest and it broke her heart, seeing Minjoo messed up in a way she could never ever fix. 

The only thing she could do was just watch her. She knows Minjoo was reliving the same day over and over again and she did try to stop her, but she simply cannot.

"It hurts, Eunbi! Help me." Minjoo cried out loud as she drenched Eunbi's shirt with her tears. Eunbi could only heave a sigh while her eyes landed on a certain picture on Minjoo's bedside table. 

It was a portrait happiness all drawn on Minjoo and Yujin's faces, something that Minjoo holds on still close to her heart and it makes her tear up as she realizes the happiness on Minjoo's face on that portrait was now long gone as she looks at Minjoo's sad, sad eyes right now while stray tears fall down from her eyes down to her pale cheeks.

Minjoo's eyes are now _empty_.

After trying so hard to make Minjoo stop crying, Eunbi rests beside Minjoo as she caresses her sister's thin body. No matter how hard Eunbi urges Minjoo to eat, she dismisses her. Eunbi was already getting tired of plates being thrown across the room much to Minjoo's attempt to relieve the anger she was feeling.

Minjoo is now too fragile, her body becoming slowly too petite and her eyes already sinking deep to her skull and it was a sight Eunbi despises, it was a sight that hurts Eunbi's heart.

"Minjoo, I think it's time for you to stop this." Eunbi starts a conversation she should've started a long time ago, before Minjoo started to destroy herself.

Minjoo stays silent.

"You can't take it anymore, Minjoo. Your mind can only take so much but you're now getting weak."

Minjoo still stays silent as she sinks in Eunbi's embrace.

"Minjoo, please. Do this for _you_."

**_Do this for Yujin_ **. Eunbi bites back her tongue.

She now hears Minjoo sigh as she takes a hold of Yujin's watch, the device that was enabling her to relive the same moment. The watch that she never knew could do something like this but the watch was ruining her. 

Minjoo thought reliving the moment, the day since she last saw Yujin breathing, was something that could help her cope up but instead, it was ruining her. This suddenly dawns on her.

Much to Eunbi's dismay, Minjoo wears the watch again.

_I'm always with you._

Minjoo chuckles bitterly against Eunbi's touch as she remembers the last words she heard and Minjoo finally thinks about it.

"U-Unnie. Help... me. I... I don't want to feel this," Minjoo points at her heart. "I don't want to feel this pain anymore." Minjoo sniffs in between her words.

"I can't help you, Minjoo-yah."

"You're the only one that could help you."

Minjoo was already fast asleep when Eunbi noticed her. Eunbi chuckles and carries Minjoo's now-light body to her bed then caresses her sister's hair. 

Eunbi admires Minjoo's serene face as she sleeps, the only moment where Minjoo was in peace. Eunbi was reminded again of the infant Minjoo, the first time Eunbi held the newborn Minjoo in her own small arms was when she was six years old, and now, she feels like she's indeed six years old all over again.

Eunbi feels sad that the once peaceful Minjoo became like this, just because of an event that was at the other end of the oblivion and because of this, Eunbi was determined to take care of her sister.

Ever since Minjoo met Yujin, Eunbi knew that Minjoo grew up already, making her own decisions and Yujin was there to lead the way. Yujin was there to guide Minjoo in every step of her life until they got married and Eunbi thinks it was just the only mistake Yujin left. 

It was the mistake of letting Minjoo get used to leaning on Yujin only, when other people including Eunbi were around them.

It was a mistake that now Minjoo succumbs in now that she’s _gone_.

\---------------

The next day Minjoo was lying on her bed, alone, after Eunbi went away for work. Truth be told, she was already feeling apologetic about Eunbi taking care of her because of this occurrence and she tries her best, she swears, but she cannot even stand on her own two feet just yet. 

_"Eunbi, I-I'm sorry. I-I'm such a mess." Minjoo says in between her hitched breathing as she places down the 5th bottle of plain alcohol she was downing all night and all Eunbi could do was watch in pain._

_Eunbi approaches Minjoo with her warm smile and takes a grip of Minjoo's fragile hand._

_"I am your sister for a reason, Minjoo-yah." Eunbi takes the bottle out of Minjoo's grip. "Ever since I first saw you, I knew that this little Minjoo will be someone I should take care of. I should be someone who she'll run to."_

Minjoo was in the middle shifting her position, trying to get comfortable without Eunbi then she suddenly finds herself facing the bedside table and she sees Yujin's watch and their portrait. 

Minjoo was too weak to cry anymore, there were no tears left to cry anymore. So instead, she looks at their portrait, her eyes tracing Yujin's beautiful smile and she notices Yujin's own pair of eyes looking at her, her eyes full of love and wonder. Something she misses looking at.

Then, Minjoo's gaze shifts to Yujin's watch. A watch that has been significant to her doings these days. It was the instrument that has been helping her in seeing Yujin again, like in her dreams.

_Minjoo was suddenly face to face with Yujin's belongings that were all too familiar for her, the belongings she last saw Yujin was wearing._

_Yujin's favorite cap, her ring, then a watch._

_Minjoo trembled as she looked at the familiar belongings before her, her eyes fixated at each, taking turns in catching her gaze but the watch caught her attention the most. It's a watch that was already too old for Minjoo, yet Yujin still wears it, until today._

_Minjoo takes the watch and bothers with it as she suddenly sees the watch's time._

**_April 29, 2031. 09:01am._ **

_Minjoo's tears suddenly stopped as her eyebrows furrowed, confused with what the watch was presenting._

**_I guess this old watch finally stopped by that time yet she still did wear it._ **

_While Minjoo was bothering with the watch, she mistakenly pressed a button at the side of the rickety old watch before everything went black._

Minjoo heaves a sigh as she shifts her position away from the bedside table, stripping away her attention from the watch. 

No matter how hard Minjoo tries to sleep, she just can't seem to let herself do so so she just lies there, her focus now on the ceiling as the silence fills the room, enveloping her and it was not just regular silence. It was silence that made her feel alone.

Unlike the silence she always hears from the hiraeth of Yujin's arms, this one was not as serene as thereof. Minjoo caresses the empty space beside her, the space where she wakes up everyday, seeing Yujin's peaceful face while she sleeps. (This is due to the fact, indeed, that Minjoo was always the one that gets up first.) 

Minjoo could only heave her thousandth sigh as she felt her heart shatter again, her eyes already tired from crying so she does not. 

By then, Minjoo could now only raise a white flag, finally feeling her eyes get sore from all the crying and she did notice she was also getting thin. 

_Yujin does not like to see me like this, I know._

Minjoo fixes her position to an upright one, leaning against the bed frame while closing her eyes, a sudden vertigo wrapping around her head. This time travel thing is getting out of hand, she knows, Eunbi has been telling her over and over again. 

All she really wanted was to see her wife, hold her, kiss her. She thought it would help her cope up but the first time in her whole life, she was very wrong.

This thing has been messing up with her mind too much and it was like gripping on a sharp knife sadness and guilt. Minjoo still does hold on, because she doesn't know what to do if she doesn't.

After her vertigo wore down, she walked to the bathroom to wash up and shortly thereafter, she saw her face reflected in the mirror. She tilts her head while observing her sunken eyes stand out from her face.

_Ah, what have I become?_

Minjoo reaches out to touch the mirror, tracing her features and how it became destroyed. Her mind was empty at the moment, and she just shook it off, finally stripping away her ruffled clothes and she took a warm shower.

She does try to get Yujin off her mind for a moment but all she could think of was her. Ever since they have met, it has always been her that was in Minjoo's mind and it eats her up. 

Now, from the thought of Yujin, she suddenly thinks about going back and bothers with the watch again as warm water trickles down her face but she turns the shower off. She's suddenly taking a moment to breathe.

_What if Eunbi was right? What if it's really finally time to stop?_ Minjoo's shoulders heave up and down to catch her breath, from thinking about it.

Minjoo steps out of the shower, her once empty eyes now having a sign of hope. Minjoo finally made a decision.

_This is for Yujin._

\---------------

"I'm home!"

The first thing Eunbi does after she arrives home is to check where Minjoo was which was the bedroom and when she did, she did not see Minjoo lying in bed and truth be told, it caught her by surprise.

"Minjoo? Where are you—"

Eunbi was greeted by Minjoo clad in one of, judging by the size of it, Yujin's hoodies and she was drying her hair with a towel by the doorpost of the bathroom.

"You're home early?" Minjoo smiled faintly but to Eunbi it was something shocking.

Ever since Eunbi started taking care of Minjoo, she never saw Minjoo smile even the slightest bit but this one was something she suddenly missed seeing. Her sister is smiling even though it's small. Eunbi felt contented.

"Yeah, got off work early to cook something for you."

"Thank you, unnie." Minjoo smiles at her once again before sitting on her bed and taking a rest from taking a shower.

Eunbi suddenly felt like crying. Not because of agony but because of pure bliss. The tinge of carnation pink on Minjoo's cheek was blooming again and it was something Eunbi got so used to not seeing so it really caught her by surprise.

"Unnie..." Minjoo calls out for Eunbi who responded so quickly.

"I can't seem to let go of Yujin."

This is the time Eunbi was waiting for. It was finally the time they talked about the elephant in the room and it was something Minjoo wasn't ready for, long before.

"Everytime I go back, it's like I want to go back over and over again. I want to relive the lifetime she still existed." Minjoo wept gently when the lump on her throat was evident. So, Eunbi sits beside her sister and caresses her thin arm.

"Minjoo, it's all up to you. It's a decision you are to make, not me." All Eunbi could do was just hug Minjoo's side before walking to the kitchen but she stops by the doorpost, looking back at Minjoo.

"I'll call you when dinner's ready, okay?" Eunbi sees Minjoo nod, then she goes and walks towards the kitchen.

Now, Minjoo is lost. She thought she had it all planned out but it turns out that she was far from being okay.

She, then, buries her hands in the pocket of Yujin's hoodie, Yujin's favorite hoodie.

_"Yujin-ah, can I have this hoodie?" Minjoo raises the purple hoodie for Yujin to see while she chuckles lightly._

_"My favorite hoodie?" Yujin asks but Minjoo's face suddenly pulled an apologetic look because she didn't know, and now she was being an annoying girlfriend, getting all her stuff._

_Yujin sees Minjoo frown and she laughs lovingly. Yujin then snatches the purple hoodie from Minjoo's hand then places it on Minjoo, who was still pouting._

_"Oh now, look! My favorite hoodie on my favorite person."_

_And Minjoo does smile at Yujin's remark, like she always does because it was something Yujin could do._

_"Don't even worry about it. You can have it, as long as you want."_

_"What if I never return it to you?" Minjoo asks while she plays with the hem of the hoodie then Yujin brings her lips at the top of Minjoo’s head then she gently kisses it._

_"Nonsense. You'll always get the chance to return it to me. You'll be married to me, remember?"_

Minjoo heaves a sigh again, her hands playing in the pocket of her hoodie until she hears something ruffle from the inside. 

Minjoo's eyebrows furrow then she pulls it out, it was a paper, all disheveled from its clumsy folds. She observes it for a second then she sees her name written at the right corner of the folded paper. It was written by Yujin, judging by the handwriting.

Minjoo wastes no time and unfolds the crumpled paper, until it reveals a letter written in a, surprisingly, clean way. (Yujin does make a lot of mistakes when writing.)

**_A random letter to my Minjoo_ **

**_Almost 5 am and not an ounce of sleep is seen in my eyes, while you lay peacefully on our bed, my Minjoo. Well, who would've had thought you entered my mind once again despite you sleeping by my side._ **

**_This is scary, in a way, yes. Scary in a way that for a lifetime and maybe a thousand more, will you enter my mind over and over again? Will our paths cross once again only for me to relive the bliss in every lifetime we meet?_ **

**_I could only imagine. who would've thought I would think of you during this hour._ **

**_It's ridiculous, in a way, yes. Ridiculous, in a way that my own grip on holding back this rope of feelings I had for you already loosened yet, ever since I have married you, my Minjoo._ **

**_But why am I here, still thinking of you? I am indeed contented with this lifetime but why do I feel restless for the next coming lifetime I would be reincarnated in?_ **

**_But you know what? One look at you, this restless feeling in my heart settle, and one thing is for sure:_ **

**_I am indeed contented with this lifetime, the lifetime that we have met, who knows if we will part? (until death do us part). I am indeed already contented, not just because in this lifetime our paths crossed but also because in this life, I get to be yours and maybe in another lifetime, I won’t. But maybe after a thousand more, I will always be yours. Forever._ **

**_The love of your never-ending lifetimes,_ **

**_Yujin._ **

A tear escaped Minjoo's eye as she felt her knees weaken. Why didn't she get to read this letter until now? Minjoo closes her eyes as she feels her heart clench and now her whole body is malfunctioning, she is in deep pain.

She wails, her body crashing down the floor as her tears drench Yujin's hoodie. She screams in pain again as a thousand needles poke Minjoo's heart once again and it now reaches the rest of her body.

From the kitchen, Eunbi had never ran so fast when she heard Minjoo scream, and to her dismay, she reached Minjoo already on the floor, struggling for air and it was a sight Eunbi loathes seeing, another sight where Minjoo is suffering again.

Eunbi rushes and lets herself crash on Minjoo's fragile body and just let Minjoo drenched another shirt she's wearing with tears.

Eunbi saw a paper at the front of the both of them, a paper that was neatly opened and when she brought it near her eyes for her to read, she saw it was written by Yujin. Eunbi didn't even ask Minjoo anymore, where she got it, or did she finish the letter. Instead, she just helped Minjoo get up from the floor and guide her towards her bed. 

Minjoo sobs violently, trying to catch her breath for her heart, running out of oxygen as she keeps on choking for air and her grip tightens on Eunbi’s arm, surely leaving a mark thereafter. Minjoo kept on weeping, her tears fell like a non-drying waterfall and Eunbi was just there, helplessly watching her sister.

Long thereafter, Minjoo grew weary from crying then she fell on Eunbi’s arms, all calmed down and finally able to breathe normally. She still let out a couple of soft sobs but it was something Eunbi can now control.

“Eunbi, _she_ wrote me a letter. Why didn’t she give it to me?” Minjoo asks to break the sad silence the siblings were surrounded with a while ago. Eunbi kisses her younger sister’s forehead and sighs.

“Everything has a reason, Minjoo-yah.” 

“Should I finally stop?”

“It’s only you who could answer it, Minjoo.”

After the sudden burst of emotions from her, Minjoo’s eyes flutter open once again, not noticing that the both of them fell asleep already and she saw her sister’s tired figure in deep slumber. So she does not bother, instead she stands up, her throat all dry and in need of hydration.

She was walking carefully, careful not to wake her older sister up until she came across with the letter from Yujin, the letter she mistakenly read a while ago.

Scratch that— _it wasn’t a mistake._

So, Minjoo picks it up and folds it again. After doing so, she held it close to her heart and she suddenly felt Yujin’s presence fill the room and instead of sorrow envelop her, it was a feeling of _comfort._ That feeling of _hiraeth._

Minjoo dismisses her original idea of getting water, and she, instead, walks to the overlooking balcony of their home, seeing the sun set with a light shade of pink pastel. It suddenly brought warmth and comfort on Minjoo’s cold heart.

She does miss her wife but it was all Minjoo could do. It was all Minjoo was able to do because she simply cannot change the past anymore. She cannot change the lifetime she was living in anymore.

Minjoo thanks Yujin in the heavens above by looking at the sky with a glint of hope in her eyes as she holds the letter close to her heart. 

Like in the letter, Minjoo finally learns from Yujin, 

**_In this lifetime our paths crossed, and in many lifetimes and more, you will always be mine, Yujin._ **

And just that, Minjoo makes her final decision. 

_It was finally time for her to let go._

\---------------

**April 29, 2031. 09:01am.**

Minjoo's eyes flutter open, the warm and pale sunlight seeping through the curtains to her cold skin as she groans at the morning alarm ringing ever so loudly through her ears. Minjoo stretches her arms as she feels an arm around the small of her waist and of course, how could she forget the most beautiful human being was with her right now?

Minjoo was finally back on this particular epoch, the day Yujin held her close to her heart, beating its last moments with her beloved. Minjoo grew stronger already, now ready to face this day— regret finally not in her heart anymore.

Like she did, Minjoo planted kisses on Yujin's serene sleeping face. One on her forehead, one on her nose, then planted one on her lips, a long one, full of love in each kiss and right on cue, Yujin’s eyes opened and it greeted Minjoo like it never lost its life.

“Hi, wifey. Good morning.” Yujin has her genuine smile plastered on her face, the type of smile that flashes her dimples that complements her wide smile. Minjoo smiled back gently, thinking it was a view that she will surely miss after this.

“Good morning, Yujinnie.” Minjoo shifts her position as she lays on Yujin’s supine chest. Then they both chuckle while lovingly looking at each other like they were newlyweds, like two years haven’t even passed yet.

“You look lovely, Minjoo.”

“I haven’t even bathed yet. I look horrible.” Minjoo pouts which Yujin just laughs at then she tucks a stray strand on Minjoo’s ear then she caresses her beloved wife’s cheek.

“Beautiful.”

With that lone word, a familiar feeling blooms on Minjoo and it was not a feeling of sorrow. Simply to put it, it was a feeling of hope, of peace. That finally, she could say that she was finally, really, ready.

So Minjoo lets her actions speak louder than words by taking Yujin’s hand and knits their fingers together, like it was really made for each other. After all, Yujin is indeed her soulmate. Minjoo kisses Yujin’s knuckles, letting her soft lips linger on it because it was probably the last time she’ll do so.

“Getting too greasy early in the morning, are we, Ahn Minjoo-ssi?” Yujin chuckles while a crimson red blush spreads across her face to her ears.

“It’s because I love you.” Minjoo smiles.

“Well then, I love you _most_.”

Like on cue, Yujin’s stomach grumbles, slightly ruining their moment and they both laugh as Minjoo pats Yujin’s stomach, that is. So she pulls Yujin upright, and unlike what she did previously, she sat with Yujin on their bed for a moment, letting their hands join and linger with each other a little longer.

“In this lifetime, I'm glad I married you.” Minjoo mutters under her breath, which caught Yujin in surprise.

“Me too. I hope the next one too.” Yujin smiles as she brings the back of Minjoo's hand to her lips then kisses it.

Minjoo pulled Yujin to the kitchen and urged her to cook for the both of them, something Yujin would most likely favor to do, so Yujin does and Minjoo just watches Yujin move smoothly across the stove, admiring her for the last time she does.

They eat their breakfast, the sound of their genuine laughs filling the room. Minjoo made sure that everything was to pass without any regret, if that will make her happy. So she does her part. She listens to everything and carves every little on her heart while she does. 

Yujin smiles at her widely, so she smiles back.

“Right. My mom just told me she would like me to arrive there by dinner. So we could eat together.”

Alas, the only signal Minjoo was waiting for. Instead of sadness being plastered on her own face, she smiles and hums in acknowledgement.

Shortly thereafter, they do spend the whole day with each other's company, but unlike any other days, Minjoo pulls Yujin to their living room, slowly approaching the CD player then she plays the song she’s been longing to dance with her wife. _Their wedding song._

Yujin’s ears perk up as she stands there and hears the first line of the song while Minjoo approaches her while she smiles from ear to ear.

_All my life, without a doubt I give you_

_All my life, now and forever till the_

_Day I die, you and I will share_

“All my Life by America. _Our wedding song_.” Yujin lets herself be pulled by Minjoo, as the latter places Yujin’s arms on her waist then they finally sway through the song.

“So this is what you want to do today? Get married again?” Yujin jokes causing Minjoo to bury her flushed face to her wife’s broad shoulder.

When they met, they got to know each other then it turns out, they were both suckers for old songs. This song was too old, too cheesy, but it was something that made them feel like falling in love like they always do, over and over again.

So Yujin sings along while she sways with Minjoo and she pulls her even closer. Minjoo always did admire Yujin’s voice, the way it soothed her own soul.

_All my life, I will carry you through_

_All my life, between each hour of the passing days_

_I will stay with you_

As they sway while Yujin sings, Minjoo’s tears finally fall from her eyes, still hiding her face from Yujin. However, the oblivious one kept on singing.

_There was a time, that I just thought_

_That I would lose my mind_

_You came along and then the sun did shine_

_We started on our way_

_I do recall that every moment spent_

_Was wasted time then I chose to lay it on the line_

Then Yujin lifts Minjoo’s chin to match her eyes and she finally saw Minjoo’s eyes filled with tears but she just smiles and wipes her tears.

_I want this all my life_

_I want this all my life_

_I wanted this all my life_

Yujin finishes the song as she wipes Minjoo’s tears gently. 

Then, it suddenly hit Minjoo, it was the last dance. The last chance she had to dance with her beloved and this was finally her decision, flashing before her eyes. 

She chose to let go, and it was finally here.

After Yujin’s mother called, Yujin prepared and like Minjoo did, she walked Yujin to the door, polishing everything Yujin was wearing. She let her fingers run through Yujin’s favorite cap, then down her hand, her wedding ring, then her wrist, the very watch that allowed her to relive this day for the last time.

Yujin kisses her for the last time, a kiss that was very heartfelt. A kiss that would last forever on Minjoo’s own lips and will surely last on her heart.

"I'll come home to you, soon. I love you, Minjoo." Yujin smiles and she waves, finally stepping out of the door, and Minjoo was now face to face with the door shut but unlike any other day, she was now smiling.

She finally lets go of Yujin. She finally lets Yujin have her own peace.

\---------------

_Minjoo does her nightly mantra before sleeping, then she stares at the empty space beside her, where Yujin sleeps. It was already late yet Yujin wasn’t still informing her if she did arrive safely, so Minjoo just sat down and waited, observing the silence around her, not really the silence she was favoring because she felt all alone until she dozed off._

_Waking up from her deep slumber, Minjoo felt her phone vibrate continuously signaling a call arriving._

_"Hello?"_

_“Minjoo, this is eomma.”_

_“Hello, eomma did Yujin arrive—” Minjoo’s words were shoved back in her throat when she heard the other person at the end of the line sobbing violently._

_“Yujin… did not arrive._ **_She never did_ ** _.”_

_and the world crumbles down._

\---------------

**Present Day.**

Minjoo sits down in front of her desk in her own office in her residence, placing a pen on top of her desk then she settles on the chair. 

Minjoo was now finally back to her own self. Her healthy look now evident on her face and her pair of eyes are finally very lively. It took her quite some time but she now managed to stand with her own two feet, now without the help of her own sister.

Minjoo stares on the pen and paper for a moment, before shifting her gaze towards Yujin’s picture on her desk. From then and there, Minjoo now had the courage to write.

**_I miss you, I'm not going to lie._ **

**_I miss you._ **

**_I miss the way your eyes search for me as soon as you step out of your room, both of us already eager to be in each other's presence._ **

**_I miss the way you speak softly, especially when you call out my name, your voice being the comfort I suddenly feel with you._ **

**_I miss the way your eyes sparkle when I catch you stare at me like you hold the galaxy within it._ **

**_I miss the way you hold my hand and the sudden tug on your lips whenever I hold it against mine, feeling like it is coming home. Coming home to you._ **

**_I miss our in between moments, our comfortable silences, savoring each moment we are together, just the silence enveloping the both of us._ **

Minjoo walks slowly on the grassy field, with a bouquet of flowers on hands, a bouquet of lovely Forget-Me-Nots, which were Yujin’s favorite.

**_I miss the three little words we start and end the day with, meaning it with our whole heart. Those three little words that are big enough to make each day better._ **

**_I miss how we grow with each other, like we are for each other until in the future._ **

**_Like today, I sometimes miss those things that remind me of you. Those love songs I hear on the radio that you gave meaning to for those months I had with you._ **

Minjoo places the bouquet in front of Yujin gravestone and she smiles softly, her gaze shifting from Yujin’s gravestone to the sky with the light shade of pink pastel, the same sky she saw that sent hope on her heart.

**_I admit, those things are not the same without you._ **

**_I can miss it, but I certainly cannot bring it back anymore._ **

**_I miss you but I cannot go farther than missing you anymore. I hold these memories in my heart and in my mind and I'm already certain that these are already enough._ **

**_I am now moving forward and you are the one I already need not._ **

**_I miss you, and that is all._ **

**_See you in another lifetime, the love of my never-ending lifetimes._ **

**_\- Minjoo._ **

**Author's Note:**

> #JinjooFiesta_OfHiraeth.


End file.
